Sea No Evil by James Mullaney

Author:James Mullaney
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: humor detective crime hardboiled satire parody demons
Publisher: James Mullaney

CHAPTER 7

Mannix apparently heard the commotion coming from outside and came to the fire escape window to see what all the hollering was about. He was happy to see me, as always, and eagerly took the bags of clanking bottles that I passed in to him.

“That was very bad language I heard someone yelling,” the elf said.

“Just fatso Shyster downstairs in twelve,” I said as I climbed inside the lovely home I’d kindly given to my adopted bottles of marked-down, tax-free booze. “He says me reverse-dematerializing outside his broken window just now nearly gave him a heart attack, which he is very kindly adding to the case that’s going to bankrupt me. Hey, swell job on the desk.”

In my absence, Mannix had finished repairing the holes the exploding water cooler had Swiss-cheesed into the front of my desk. The kid had stained, lightly buffed, then battered the hell out of the woodwork until it was as lousy-looking as ever.

“I was worried when I came in this morning and found that folder on Miss Doris’ desk,” the elf said, nodding with deep concern to the outer office.

“I can understand why you’d panic at evidence of work possibly being attempted anywhere in the vicinity of where Doris and her portable nail salon roost. It’s human nature to feel apprehension when faced with the extraordinary.” I dropped in my chair. “Mercury came back,” I explained. “He abducted me to Greece where the king of all gods on Earth made a few not-so-veiled threats. Then I did a little shopping.”

“Oh,” Mannix said, nodding somberly for as many seconds as he could bear before adding brightly, “Did you bring me anything?”

I reached into one of the bags and tossed him a box. “Chocolate covered roasted almonds, which sound about as nauseating as you like. Bon cavities.”

The elf clutched the box happily to his heart. “Did you get anything for Miss Doris?”

“Yeah, a job to come back to that she stinks at and won’t do. About that file on her desk. The stuff you collected on Poseidon’s wife is pretty thin pre-Olympics. I’m going to need you to do a naughty or nice check on her with your pals at the Pole.”

Mannix clenched his jaw, clicking his pointed teeth. “Oh, I don’t know, Mr. Crag. You know how hard that is.”

“Mannix, you’ve been working under the table passing them naughty intel for months. Massage whatever contacts you have up there and get what you can on her. Something smells fishy about that dame, and if I’m going to take their case I want as much information as I can get so that I will, ideally, not wind up a pile of smoking P.I. soot on an O’Hale’s barstool.”

“We’re taking the case after all?” Mannix said, so excited he crushed the box of Greek candy crap to his chest. What can I say? The kid loved the job.

“I’ve apparently already been working it for the past twenty-four hours,” I said with a sigh. “Nearly drowned twice, nearly

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